The overwhelming feeling of love
Love is a beautiful feeling that can be overwhelming.
Love can make you say and do stupid things. Sometimes, you cannot even think straight. This feeling is so overwhelming that you forget your name, and you can feel like there is nothing in your brain. Some people say love is blind.
Love can be like rushing waters. It’s powerful, it’s intimate, it’s uplifting and it’s profound.
How many times did I fall in love? I would say three times. Once in High School (15/18 years old), and twice at uni.
In High School this love was hurting me more than anything. I was in love with someone who was in love with me, but we could not express our love for each other, because we were both afraid of being rejected.
Have you been there?
I finally understood that he was in love with me years later.
Basically, when I mastered the art of interpreting signs and reading between lines.
Yes, it’s an art.
With love, there is always a risk of being rejected. It’s painful. Your heart is broken before anything happen.
The worst part is that you have to recover and heal from something that did not happen. You have to recover from the hopes, and the stories that you made up in your mind.
So we were in the same high school, I saw him Monday to Friday. We had the same group of friends, and we were laughing a lot together.
What did I like the most about him?
Let me think…. I would say his smile and his kindness.
I remember observing him each week a particular day when it was in the building in front of mine. I was observing him interacting with his classmates in the 3rd or 4th floor. I was looking at him with all the love that I have for him, but also all the pain because I thought he did not love me as I loved him.
We were spending a lot of time together, talking to each other, but nothing happened. I thought about him every day, first thought in the morning, and last thought before closing my eyes. I thought about him when I was doing my homework, when I was watching TV, and when I was doing chores. His face kept pop into my head. His face, then the feeling of love and the hurt.
It hurts a lot when you cannot be with the person that you love the most. Love and suffering come together. You feel the good and the bad parts at the same time. You feel all the love inside of you like a burden and you suffer in silence.
No one knew that I was in love with him. I had to pretend that we were just friends.
You know the story…. Ha ha ha…
Besides the feeling of love, there is your imagination.
It’s difficult to control your imagination.
It’s easy to lose yourself in the stories that you make up in your mind. You imagine that you are together, the conversation you could have had, and the details of his face. You feel the need to be with him, to be in his arms, to be in his presence, and to feel his tenderness.
Sometimes, you can even hear his voice in your head.
Love is so powerful.
These thoughts can invade you at any time.
You cannot focus on work, on what the teacher is saying, on your exams, and on your friend that is sharing something deep with you. You just zone out.
It’s interesting cause you can zone out for hours just by thinking about someone else.
It takes a lot of efforts to focus on what is going on in the present, because your mind always escape to be with him.
So yeah, love is overwhelming…
Back to my story… are you looking for a happy ending? No happy ending here, he ended up being the boyfriend of someone else, while I kept pretending that he was just a friend.
No worries, I survived…..
A la prochaine….
