True intimacy
Your soul and your heart are longing for true intimacy in a relationship whether or not you are aware of it.
In this day and age, it’s easy to be with someone for their beauty, their social status, their money, their appearance, and their influence. For what is outside, but the most important thing is the inside. The inside allows you to connect in a deeper lever, and to build a relationship on a solid foundation.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
A relationship builds on a solid foundation won’t collapse though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house.
Most of people don’t know that marriage requires work. Marriage is work.
Two people loving each other.
Two people choosing each other every day.
Two people fighting for each other every day.
Two people facing obstacles and difficulties together.
Life is not easy and it’s not easy to do life together. You have to die to self and make compromises.
It’s beautiful being married, but it requires work.
I believe that the majority of people falls into three categories.
The ones who believe in fairy tales. They think they will find someone and everything will go well. The happy ending. No challenges. No difficulties. No obstacles. It’s just a beautiful journey in the Care Bears world. Everything is magic. Unfortunately, the honeymoon period lasts in average two years.
In addition, the person you marry today will be another person in 5, 10, 15 years. We all evolve. We all change. You cannot expect someone to remain the same years later. You see things differently. You dont’ like the same thing. It’s normal. You have to fall in love again and again with your spouse.
Unfortunately, this strong idea of fairy tales can lead you to a divorce.
I said idea but it’s a stronghold that will prevent to do the right thing to improve your relationship.
They are the ones who believe that they should try to be sure it’s the one. Try on and see for yourself. They end up being broken in the process of finding the right person for them. At the beginning they are excited because everything is going well, and little by little they see the true face of their boyfriend/girlfriend. They break up to find another partner. The story repeats itself.
I don’t blame them because in this world they push you into it. It’s like you cannot be single. You have to have someone to share your life with. Singleness it’s like a curse. You are not successful in life if you are not in a relationship.
In addition, there are the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes. You want to have sex. Some are controlled by the flesh. We live in society that uses sex to sell everything and anything. Everything is about sex. It’s the just a reality. If you are not careful, you will drift from your destiny, from what you really want, and from what you called to do on Earth. It’s easy to be influenced and drift.
Let’s go deeper with the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes.
The three doors of sins.
“For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.”
If you don’t master your own body, you will go for what the flesh wants, what is pleasing your eyes (the desire to have everything you see) , and you will be too proud of your earthly possessions. It's being in a bondage. Many people are in a bondage.
This reminds me the story of David and Bathsheba.
“Late one afternoon, after his midday rest, David got out of bed and was walking on the roof of the palace. As he looked out over the city, he noticed a woman of unusual beauty taking a bath. He sent someone to find out who she was, and he was told, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her; and when she came to the palace, he slept with her. She had just completed the purification rites after having her menstrual period. Then she returned home. Later, when Bathsheba discovered that she was pregnant, she sent David a message, saying, “I’m pregnant.””
David saw Bathsheba and her beauty pleased his eyes. He wanted her. The desire to possess what he saw. He was controlled by his flesh.
Many people are controlled by the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes. They don’t have self control. It’s important to master your body to stay on your path and to do God’s will in your life. Either you control your body, or your body controls you.
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”
It’s very important to control your body, to have self-control, to master your own body.
Finally, there are the few that know marriage is work and it’s important to be with the right person. The ones who decided to wait for the right person. The person approved by God. They know the wrong person can destroy you and your future. The latter is not popular.
It’s not popular to wait on God to be married. Nope!
It’s not popular to be celibate. Nope!
People look at you like you are crazy and everyone knows someone that did not wait and it still works for them.
I was with someone for 8 years and this relationship was built on sand. God did not approved this relationship. I relied on myself, what I knew, and my own standards to choose a partner.
When we broke up I said to God I am gonna wait on you because I want what you want for me. 8 years of relationship, it took me two years to get back on my feet. I said to myself never again! I don’t want to go through this again. Nope! Let my next relationship be the last one. I want to build my marriage on a solid foundation. I want a marriage blessed by God with the man God has for me.
I said to God : “from now on, I will do things your ways”.
I understand that God knows what I need. He has a plan for me and for my husband. He knows both of us. I trust God with my marriage. I trust God with the man He has for me. I trust God with his timing.
You want to be with someone that loves you for who you are.
He knows the real you.
He sees you.
He loves you with and without makeup.
He loves you when you feel good and when you feel bad.
He encourages you.
You want someone you can be yourself with.
Someone you can trust.
Someone who has your back.
Someone who want the best for you.
Someone you can easily talk to.
Someone that will fight for you.
Someone that respects you.
Someone that believes in you.
Someone that will celebrate your victory.
Your victory is his victory and vice versa.
A relationship is built with time.
With the right person things will improve and love will grow with time.
You want true intimacy.
We all want to be seen, heard and understood.
We all want a relationship that will meet our needs and fulfil our deepest desires.
What is intimacy? Most definition refers to “closeness or sexual intercourse”.
It’s deeper than that.
Intimacy is knowing someone’s soul, knowing who they truly are, and seeing them with all their imperfections. You love this person with all their imperfections. You love this person for who they truly are.
When you are intimate with someone, you get each other in a deeper way, you have a strong sense of closeness and love for each other, you respect each other, you trust each other, and you can be vulnerable with each other. You both feel safe.
You know sex is supposed to be the cherry on cake?!
Sex seals the marriage.
You feel empty when you have sex without intimacy (this deep knowing of each other, the caring, the trust, the safety etc..).
There is a void in your heart and in your soul.
It’s hard to be with someone that does not get you.
This person does not know you, the real you, they don’t speak the language of your heart, and they are not interested in you.
This person cannot read between lines because they don’t get you.
This person says things that do not touch your heart.
You feel neglected, unseen, and unheard.
You can sleep in the same bed and feel lonely.
Some are very good at pretending they are living a fairy tale, but when the doors are closed they are devastated and crushed.
Sex is good, yes! But the truth is your thirst for true love and true intimacy will never be quenched by sex.
The choice is yours.
You can choose to do things your way or wait on God.
Trust God with your spouse.
Pray and wait on Him.
God will lead your husband to you at the right time.
I am not gonna lie it’s not easy to wait on God every day, but it’s better than to be broken again and again.
When you are with the wrong person your soul, your heart, and your spirit are crushed again and again.
Different types of pain that sometimes you cannot explain with words.
Some people get used to it.
They are destroyed little by little.
It’s like being fragmented in a thousand pieces.
You are not fully yourself anymore.
You are not whole.
Again, it’s your choice.
What are you gonna do?
Avec beaucoup d’amour…
